The Four Attachment Styles

What are the four attachment styles?

The four attachment styles, as described by psychologist Mary Ainsworth and further developed by researchers such as John Bowlby and Mary Main, are:

1. Secure attachment: Children with a secure attachment style feel secure and confident in their caregivers’ availability and responsiveness. They feel comfortable exploring their environment and seek comfort from their caregiver when needed. As adults, they tend to have trusting, lasting relationships and are able to form strong emotional bonds.
2. Anxious-ambivalent attachment: Children with an anxious-ambivalent attachment style may be clingy and preoccupied with their caregiver’s availability. They may become distressed when separated from their caregiver and may have difficulty exploring their environment. As adults, they may worry about their relationships and seek excessive reassurance from their partners.
3. Avoidant attachment: Children with an avoidant attachment style may avoid or ignore their caregiver, showing little distress when separated. They may appear independent and self-reliant but may have difficulty forming close relationships. As adults, they may avoid intimacy and have difficulty trusting others.
4. Disorganized attachment: Children with a disorganized attachment style may show contradictory behaviors, such as approaching their caregiver while also avoiding eye contact. They may appear confused or apprehensive around their caregiver. As adults, they may have difficulty regulating their emotions and maintaining stable relationships.

It’s important to note that attachment styles are not fixed and can change over time based on experiences and relationships. They can also vary across different relationships and contexts.

Can a person change his attachment style?

Yes, attachment styles can change over time, particularly with the help of self-awareness, therapy, and forming new, healthy relationships. While our early attachment experiences can have a significant impact on our attachment style, they do not determine it for life.

For example, someone with an avoidant attachment style may learn to trust others and become more comfortable with intimacy through therapy or by experiencing supportive, consistent relationships. Similarly, someone with an anxious attachment style may learn to feel more secure and self-assured by developing a greater sense of self-worth and by learning healthy relationship skills.

Changing attachment styles typically involves understanding the underlying beliefs and behaviors that contribute to the attachment style and then actively working to change these patterns. Therapy, particularly approaches like attachment-based therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy, can be helpful in this process by providing support, insight, and strategies for change.